Thursday, October 21, 2010

Announcing My Debut Novel

What if you discovered that the sins of your mother’s past will forever haunt your future? That finding out the secrets that she took to her grave would turn your life upside down?

To the rest of the world Corynn Hayes was a brilliant writer and entrepreneur. To Karlee Jones, she was not only a mother but a best friend. Until Corynn’s unexpected death, Karlee thought that she knew everything there was to know about her mother. Then Karlee receives her mother’s diary as a farewell gift. The depth of the secrets within those pages end up devastating Karlee, forever changing the memory of her mother and of everything she thought to be true.

The Diary: Succession of Lies is a novel that exposes the secret life of a mistress. It is a tale of love, lust, loss, and redemption as well as the trials of two generations of women. The Diary takes a new spin on the mistress image, a woman often vilified throughout literature as a harlot and a home wrecker. It tackles several questions. Why does a mistress stay? Is love possible in such a taboo relationship? Is love enough to endure the consequences that come later?

Jimmetta Carpenter, writing as Jaycee Durant, is the editor of the Free Fall Literary Ezine and Spoken Like a Queen. She also has a volume of poetry, The Art of Love, available at www.lulu.com published under the pseudonym Gemini.


Purchase your very own copy online today by clicking on one of the links below.

Hope to get your support.


Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://jayceedurant.wordpress.com/
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://freemynd.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Dating Game

It seems that dating and relationships come with a set of rules that aren’t necessarily clear and concise. There are separate rules for the men and separate rules for the women and then there are the rules that apply to either side. You have the rules to get a guy or girls attention and then of coarse the rules that you must follow in order to keep the guy or girl that you are trying so hard to impress with a totally different set of rules. It’s all quite confusing to me because if the only way that you can have a relationship or date anybody to figure out if you even want a relationship is to play games with him or her then what is the point. You play games to get them and to keep them but what happens to all of your games when you lose them from playing too many games.

I found a list of rules for women to attract that special someone and among them I found ones as ridiculous as don’t talk to him first and don’t make eye contact. Don’t accept a date with him for Saturday if it is after Wednesday. Don’t call him first and by all means if he does call you then never answer the first phone call because then you appear desperate. For the men there were equally ridiculous ones such as don’t call her for three days after you get her number and if you do call her and she doesn’t answer the first time then wait an additional two days before trying again. If she calls you then screen her and don’t answer and only return her calls after two days from the date of her call. It’s just plain silly.

This is the year 2007 and if a woman wants to talk to a man first then she should be able to without making it appear as if she is desperate and why shouldn’t a woman be able to call a man if she chooses to. Why would a man wait three days to call a woman who he was interested in enough to get her phone number. And with the whole thing of waiting several days to return a phone call on both sides it’s a wonder that men and women ever get to the point of actually holding a conversation let alone going out on a date. With all of the games that are played and no one to really keep a fair score how does anyone ever know who really wins.

It’s so funny because the very thing that we do to get a person and maintain that person is the very thing that you don’t want a whole lot of when you are in that relationship. It’s kind of a double standard don’t you think. I mean we don’t want to be lied to or toyed with but yet we do lie and we do toy with people’s emotions. Initially before a relationship blossoms we play this little game of who’s going to call who first and I don’t want to seem too eager so I’m not going to be the one to make the first move. We go back and forth with ourselves concerning whether or not we should let the person know we had a good time the other night and we’re supposed to make sure that they don’t think that we are interested in them even if we really are and it’s just plain stupid.

When do the games come to an end? Will it be when there is no one for anyone because everyone on one side of the fence thinks that the people on the other side of the fence aren’t interested? No one is ever going to find their happily ever after with anyone if they have the mindset that you have to play games in order to get or keep someone’s attention. We will all be stuck wondering why he or she didn’t call me back and then kicking ourselves for not taking the bull by the horns. I thought that we had left the games behind in elementary school and even high school but apparently they have seemed to carry over to adulthood. When are we just going to grow up and realize that the games we play will eventually have to come to an end or else we’re just going be left hurt and alone? Then who will we have to play games with?



Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Coming September 2010)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://freemynd.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Can Women Really Have Sex like Men?

There are several answers to that question and it really and truly does depend on the person that is being asked. There are some women that are able to detach themselves from the emotional part of sex just like men do. They can have a casual fling with someone and think nothing of it the very next day and never call the man they just slept with again. In fact I know one or two that would prefer it that way. I mean let’s be honest; it would feel somewhat good to make men feel even a fraction of the way they make us feel when they do the exact same thing to us. But whether it is the right reaction to have is another story entirely. The truth of the matter is that I actually thought that I could be one of those women. I have been in a place where I wanted to feel nothing for someone and that I didn’t want to have a connection with them. I guess I figured that it would make things a lot easier for me and less possible for me to ever get hurt again. But in exploring the possibility of me becoming a kind of person that I never envisioned myself being I discovered that casual is definitely not for everybody.

Sometimes when we get hurt we get this urge to either hurt back or just totally cut off our emotions and pretend that we can separate our actions from what we feel. It works for some people but it can’t work forever and it doesn’t work for everybody. I discovered recently that I am one of those people that it can not work for. I wanted to believe that I could be one of those women who could just be with someone that I had absolutely no feelings for just to get the physical sensation that I so badly needed. It would’ve been so much easier if I could’ve been. But in just thinking about the act of me having casual sex devoid of emotions made me sick to the point of wanting to throw up and it made me cry. I have nothing against those women who can do that but I am definitely not one of those women.

For me sex is about 10% physical and 90% emotional. I can not see giving any part of me or my body to a person who I have not given a little piece of my heart to. To me the emotional is what makes the actual physical part of sex feel good. I haven’t been able to understand how there are some women who can have emotionless sex despite the many attempts that some have tried to explain to me. I don’t knock them for it because that’s their decision and their life but in a way I feel like there’s a certain amount of sorrow I should have for them that they have to detach themselves that far from their emotions. It says a lot about a person who can take an act of love and passion that is supposed to be filled with an immeasurable amount of emotion and make it an act of what amounts to about as much as a lengthy workout.

When there is no emotion in the act of sex it is no longer beautiful and passionate. For me that would make it pointless. What’s the point if all you get out of it is the equivalent of an hour or two at the gym and that’s all it is for you. There should be emotion in sex and if you have cut yourself off from that then maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself and figure out if that’s something you really want for yourself. Sex should mean something and we are used to men being able to make that act meaningless and lacking in emotion but when women start doing the same thing it just diminishes not only the sensuality of sex but the sanctity of love as well. So can women have sex like men? I think that maybe the real question is should we have sex like men? The answer is all up to you. What kind of woman are you?

By:
Jimmetta Carpenter

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Back to the Basics

When I posed the idea of discussing the fact that women and men need to get back to the basics and that women need to train their men I received an e-mail from a male subscriber saying that the problem is that women think they can train a man and change them. I wrote back to him that he had the wrong idea of what I was trying to say. I didn’t say “training” our men to say that we should focus on changing them. I said “training” as to say that we need to train them to know what our expectations and needs are out of a relationship with them. Sometimes the reason that a relationship isn’t going right isn’t always directly the man’s fault. Women tend to get mad because their not doing something that we want them to do or their doing something that we don’t want them to do but if we never told them that “hey, I don’t like it when you do this…” or “I feel I should be treated like this…” then how are they supposed to know that’s what we expect from them. We deserve, at the very least, the basic expectations in a relationship like a man who’s going to open our car door, and a man who’s going to call us at least once a day (if that’s how often we like to hear from them) but we can’t expect our men to know that’s what we want when we don’t tell them.

We are never going to find the “perfect” mate who is going to do everything just right and just the way that we like it. Nothing and no one is perfect but yet I still see people constantly talking about they want it all. They want the perfect ideal life and the perfect “do nothing wrong” man or woman to go along with it. I only wish that that was a possibility because then I would want first dibs but I have come to terms with the fact that men have flaws as do women and I have learned to live with the men and all of their flaws. If we spend so much time trying to correct every single little problem that we see in them and trying to change them into something that they are not then we might never truly be happy with what and who we have. Now if we just sit down with one another and tell each other what it is that we expect and what type of relationship it is that we want then a lot of time and heartache could be saved. That way we know that if this man isn’t the type to open car doors, or check in with us once a day or however often we want them to, or the type of man to buy you a card on your birthday, and we know that that’s what we want then why waste the time trying to change them and mold them. If they are the type of man to do those things then we are telling them upfront and therefore training them, or instilling in them the knowledge of what it is that we expect from them.

Now ladies I am not saying that we should expect them to give us everything and work for nothing and men I am not saying that we should go back to the caveman days where men went to work and made all of the money and women stayed home tending to the children and the upkeep of the house. What I am saying is that there are minimum basic needs to be met in a relationship by both men and by women and I think somehow we’ve gotten caught up in other things and larger desires of perfection that we’ve forgotten that. We can’t forget to tend to those little things that we used to like to do for each other just because we’ve gotten deeper into the relationship where we seek more elaborate and extravagant needs. Without those little details and displays of affection we will only loose out in the end.

There’s a lot to be said for the little things in a relationship and when you’re not in a relationship you really get a clearer picture of just how important those little things are. You tend to miss those little displays of affection like someone opening the car door for you, or buying you a card just because they want to tell you how they feel, or a kiss for no special reason at all. In searching for the bigger picture like what you can get out of him or her later on down the line you very often will loose the tenderness of living in the right now and then you end up missing out. There’s a reason that everyone always says that the best part of a relationship is the beginning. It’s because that’s the time when we cherish what we have the most. Maybe we should strive to make every day of our relationships like the beginning. They might just last longer that way.

Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date TBA)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://freemynd.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Comfortable Enough For You

They say that there is someone out there for everyone. They say that a person doesn’t have to lower their standards or alter their type in order to find that someone. Well after many years of searching for what is within my standards of a mate I am starting to draw the very real conclusion that maybe everything isn’t exactly going to work out quite the way it had been expected to. Unfortunately like many things in life that somehow get off course so can the drama of finding the right man.

It seems like every guy out there just wants to be mistreated. It may seem like I’m exaggerating but in my case and a lot of women that I know it rings true. There are women out there who pride themselves on cheating on men and taking whatever money they can get out of them just for sport and for some reason, unknown to me or any of the other good women out there, men love these women. It’s funny because a lot the men that complain about the mistreatment that they get are the one’s that seek out those particular women and that’s what they choose to hold onto.

As far as love is concerned you can pretty much navigate people into four major types. There are the good girls, the good guys, the bad girls and the bad guys. This is where everything gets unevenly matched up because as it would turn out the good guys like the bad girls, the bad guys like the bad girls and of course that leaves the good girls isolated and off to the side watching as they are yet again the last picked for the team. It never fails and it isn’t fair. A woman who is honest and faithful, not to mention loving and kind is the one that’s likely to be left still looking for love at the age of thirty while the women who cheat lie and steal their way into someone’s bed are the one’s who would’ve been divorced twice and working on the third by the time they reach thirty. It makes me question whether a man really does know a good woman when he sees one.

I hear the word “comfortable” mentioned a lot when it comes to relationships. A woman cheats and their mate stays because they’re “comfortable” staying with them. He may realize that he and his woman are not compatible with each other for whatever reason but he stays because he’s “comfortable”. He finds another woman that he’s more suitable with and he stays with the one he doesn’t want to be with anymore because he’s “comfortable”. A lot of men seem to get accustomed to a certain way of life, whether it’s the life they want or not, and stick with it but I’m beginning to be concerned with the fact that men don’t seem to know when to bow out until far too many people are hurt.

Men seem to have just as bad a judgment with women as women obviously do with men. Now I’m not saying that women don’t have the problem of always being attracted to problematic men and that they don’t fall into a pattern as well. However the difference between the two is that sooner or later women usually know when to say enough is enough. Men get comfortable with being comfortable, even if it is in a bad relationship, and they stay in a situation for years and years making for an ending that is bound to be hurtful and full of drama.

I guess it sounds like I’m being a little one sided here but I am a woman in search of a decent man. It just seems that the men I’m attracted to are all attracted to the women that treat them like, dare I say it, SHIT. I get the brush off’s like you’re a nice girl but you’re not my type or the ever so popular, you’re just too nice for me. Or I just get stuck loving a man who wants to stay in a bad relationship that just keeps getting worse. It just seems like no matter what, everyone is just going to be unevenly matched up. While a lot of women are out there looking for their ideal mate, their ideal mate will still be in a “comfortable relationship” until he decides “comfortable” just isn’t going to be enough.

Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date TBA)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://freemynd.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Glue That Binds

There is obviously more to life then love and the same goes for relationships as well. For years I lived under the misconceived notion that being in love was all a person needed and that once you had that you had it made. After quite a few bad relationships in which all that was going for them was the love, I slowly and painfully began to realize the truth. Love may just be the last thing that holds a relationship together. That’s not saying that love is the insignificant part of the relationship. It’s just that when there are so many underlying factors that are a major component in the glue holding relationships together, saying “But I Love You” may seem like a last stitch effort to mask all of the other problems that can’t be fixed.

One of the number one reasons that a relationship either doesn’t make it to the marriage phase or why the marriage itself doesn’t work is financial. Here is where saying I love you just doesn’t solve everything. The person that you select to be your mate has to be evenly yoked with you, if not on any other level, but financially. You need to be on the same page about what you want your finances to be or things are just not going to work out. I’ve seen too many people not go to the next step with a person because not only were their finances messed up (which they could’ve dealt with) but they seemed to have no immediate interest in fixing them. Planning a future means talking about finances and where the two of you stand on them and this card trumps love any day of the week because love can not keep a roof over your head or send your children to good school.

One of the other major things that dissolve a relationship or a marriage is SEX. Yes you may think that sex and love go hand in hand and often times they do. But with that love must come some chemistry and passion and compatibility. If your mate likes to try lots of new and experimental things and you are a straight laced, missionary position only type of person then unless you are willing to be more open minded and uninhibited then the two of you will not last a very long time and vice versa. The same also goes for if you are a person that likes to have sex several times a week whereas your mate is content and happy with just once a week and doesn’t really like it any more then that then that is going to be a problem as well. You know what you like and what you don’t so why waste time with someone who isn’t going to or willing to join you in those same likes or dislikes. But for the people who swear they can make it work they end up learning the hard way that you can not force compatibility.

There are a number of general requirements that help hold a relationship or marriage together such as communication, respect, compromise and sacrifice, creativity, compassion, generosity, trust, patience, energy, time, maturity, forgiveness, and the list goes on. But the thing is that if you don’t have ALL or at least MOST of those things then love doesn’t really do you any good. What good is loving someone you can’t communicate with, or feel compassion for, or even have respect for? The divorce rate isn’t nearly 50% because the two people don’t love each other. The divorce rate is that high because that love couldn’t hold them together when everything else is lacking. Love does not conquer all and I think that the sooner we all realize that then the closer we can get to actually having the type of relationship that we really want. A relationship where everything works and where the glue holding it together isn’t missing a single ingredient.

Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date TBA)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://freemynd.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Idea of Being In Love

When is the last time that you checked in on your relationship with yourself? One of the keys to a healthy relationship and a happy life is expressing love for yourself first. A lot of us, women in particular, are so concerned with finding love from someone else and wanting someone to be in love with us that I think we’ve forgotten that loving ourselves can be enough. That maybe we should be in love with ourselves first before we put all of our focus on having someone else fall in love with us. After all, how can you ever expect someone else to love you unconditionally if you can’t love yourself unconditionally just the way you are? When it comes to the idea of falling in love, don’t be afraid to fall in love with yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is the central relationship in your life from which all other relationships around you are formed. It should be the most powerful relationship that you ever have. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with other people. At the heart of all the elements that make up your life experience, whether it is with family, friends, romantic relationships, or professional relationships, is you. You can’t expect to have a good relationship with others if the depth and quality of the relationship that you have with yourself is not a good one. If you desire to better the relationships that you have with the people in your life then you must first learn to love, honor, and cherish yourself as the truly precious human being that you are.

At its core, loving yourself simply means believing in your own self-worth and taking care of yourself; mind, body, heart and soul. Only when you have successfully learned to love the “whole you” and master taking care of your own needs, can you know how to extend that same attention and love to others. To become completely okay with you and nurture the relationship that you have with yourself you have to be able to fully appreciate yourself. Truly fall in love with who you are now, as well as who you have been in the past and who you can be in the future. You can not truly love yourself unconditionally if you are constantly dwelling on the mistakes of your past instead of embracing them as the life lessons that they are. Loving yourself is the best way to learn how to effectively love others.

The place within you that generates self-love is the exact same place that attracts authentic love from others. Keeping your relationship with you in tact means knowing that you are worthy of the best that this life has to offer you. It is maintaining the treatment of royalty to yourself because you know that you are royalty. The relationship that you have with yourself sets the tone for all other relationships that you will have surrounding you. You tend to attract people who treat you the way that you allow them to but if you think about it the way that you allow others to treat you is most likely the way that you treat yourself. Women need to stop focusing so much on trying to be in love with someone else and making it seem as though if they are not involved that their life is not as good as it should be. Your life is what you make it and our every hope and dream for our lives should not hinge on whether we are involved in a romantic relationship or not. If you think about it you are in a constant relationship-with you. Make it a good, life-long relationship and even as important, make it a strong powerful relationship because nobody can ever love YOU as good as YOU can.

Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date To Be Announced)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Excess Baggage

Every time you take another step in life towards the ideal lifestyle you want to lead it’s logical to make constant notations of your purpose, your goals, and your priorities but one of the most important things I think that we need to be mindful of is the luggage that we carry along with us from step to step. The baggage that we saddle ourselves with on our journey in life, be it mental or emotional, can be more damaging if we take it with us rather then if we were to just let it go and leave it behind. But saying that you forgive and actually having forgiveness in your heart and letting go are two very different things and the two often get misconstrued. I say all of this having recently discovered that the things and people I thought I had forgiven because I said I forgave them I had not. I had not yet let the anger and resentment go which meant I was in fact still holding on and thus hurting no one more then I was hurting myself.

Forgiveness allows for us to clean the slate of negative emotions and allows for a fresh new start. It means you are letting go of your anger which does not imply that you bury your feelings but rather you change the way you look at that particular situation. You have to move out of the past and into the present before you can move into the future which requires you to let whatever it is that you insist on holding onto go. Now that’s not to say that this is an easy task because I am finding it to be extremely difficult but I feel as though I have to try because I realize that what I am holding onto so tightly is holding me back and bogging me down at the same time. It’s keeping me from reaching up and grabbing that peace of mind and all of the blessings that I am deserving of which are right there at my fingertips but I can’t because I am so weighed down.

Let’s face it, we all have things that have happened to us in the past that hurt us and people who have wronged us and we’ve all been angry to the point of wanting revenge and sometimes to the point of actual retaliation. We have all had grudges that we held onto with all of our might but if we hold onto those grudges they will bind us to the past and hold us in place so that we can not move on until we have come to a point of forgiveness. By refusing to let go we inadvertently begin to harden our hearts and building up emotional walls which is what we use to try and protect ourselves from being hurt again. However, hardening our hearts is not the answer because not only does it keep us from opening up and receiving good heart felt emotions but also it stifles us and keeps us from growing and moving forward with our lives.

This is not just a philosophy that holds true for our professional lives but also our romantic relationships as well. When we are so focused on the person or people in the past who have hurt us in whatever way then how can we expect to be able to attract someone who isn’t going to do the same thing because that’s all we’re focused on. Also how can we be able to allow ourselves to see someone good that may be right in front of us because we’re too concentrated on what has happened before? We can not change what has happened to us in the past but we can make our present worthwhile and even improve upon our future. Whenever entering a new relationship or a new situation in life we have to learn not to let the past begin to weigh us down and start to leave our luggage from our previous trip at the door.

Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date TBA)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Second Chances

Why is it justified when women cheat but for men there are no excuses?

A friend of mine confided in me about her situation with her child’s father who had cheated on her and left her to be with another woman and now he wanted her back. She asked me what it was that I thought she should do even though she had somewhat made up her mind already. She wanted to just close the door on him forever and be done with him in that way. However I, being the hopeless romantic and the one who is forever optimistic, told her that she shouldn’t just close the door on the possibility. When prompted with the obvious question of why she should set herself up to be hurt again I just had one response. Isn’t there a such thing as a second chance?

Now this coming from me was surprising even to myself because I myself have been through what feels like an up and down roller coaster ride with my child’s father. But my situation is not hers. I do believe that people deserve a second chance, and hell some would say three strikes and you’re out. Even though you hear people say that in a sense men are like leopards because a leopard never changes its spots and I have even gone around myself stating that men are always going to be nothing but the dogs that they are. But even still there are a very small margin of people that can change and can truly be remorseful for what they did. They may have even needed to have made the mistake that they made just to see how much the grass was not greener on the other side.

I guess my reasoning for being so “forgiving” as my friend said is because I see things from two sides of the same coin. We, and I mean us women, are so quick to dismiss a man for his infidelity and wrongs that he committed but somehow we forget that women cheat too. And maybe this does not apply to you but we all know of at the very least one female who has stepped out there on their mate and we’ve comforted them through their situation. We’ve been the shoulder to lean on when their man found out and kicked them to the curb. We’ve even probably gone as far as to say to them that he should’ve given her another chance and taken her back. So why are we so forgiving for our female friends who have strayed but if it were us who got cheated on by our man then it’s “to hell with him” and we never even give the “second chance” a thought.

I know that I probably sound like an idiot and believe me I am in no way on the man’s side but I just think there’s a double standard going on here. I researched the statistics of infidelity and they actually show that in marriages it is now the woman who is found to be more likely to cheat then the man. I wasn’t actually shocked when I read that because I can sort of see it happening all around me. I’m not in any way saying that it’s not a big deal when men cheat but how can we persecute them so extremely when there are women out there who do the exact same thing. Hell sometimes we even congratulate the ones who do. We sympathize with whatever their reasoning is and tell them that they are justified. What about men and their reasoning? Even though they’re not as quick as we are to show it, aren’t they emotional beings too. Women have a right to cheat when they feel they are being neglected by their mate but what about if men feel the same way about theirs. We see men as just cheating because they want to get more notches on their bedpost or because of their egos but what if it’s more so because of their insecurities and their low self-esteem. Now that doesn’t make it right but then again it doesn’t make it right when women cheat for those reasons either. All I’m saying is that we need to really do some thinking about whether we’re dishing out the same treatment that we would want someone to dish out to us. Haven’t you ever needed a second chance?

Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date To Be Announced)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The General Standard

I have a friend who said that she made a list of characteristics that she wanted in a man to put under her pillow and pray on it. That would be a perfectly fine thing to do with the exception of the fact that I found some of her requirements a little bit on the extreme side. For instance she wanted a man who didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, didn’t curse, didn’t have any kids, made at least six figures a year, and doesn’t lie and that’s just to name a few. Now those are nice to hope for but realistically is any woman going to find a man who doesn’t smoke, and doesn’t drink, maybe one or the other would be plausible but not both. And a man who doesn’t curse, and doesn’t lie and who doesn’t have any kids is damn near impossible. I mean it is very logical that we all have standards that we want the man we are looking for to have but maybe we should be asking ourselves are these standards reasonable or are they just too high for any man to ever meet?

It is nice to think that we can pick and choose which qualities gets instilled in our mates and if we could instantly remove the ones that we don’t necessarily like but life just doesn’t work that way. We love who we love and we take them with the good and the bad. Altering them to our satisfaction just isn’t an option nor should it be. What would we do with someone who was a perfect match to our criteria? We’d often find ourselves a little bit bored looking for something about them that is unique and special and that sets them apart from any other mate you could possibly want to be with. We’re all bound to find little parts of our mates personalities that we would like to make disappear but would they be the person you really want to be with without them.

With our checklist in hand we women sometimes approach men with the attitude that if there’s a quality on our list that they don’t have they haven’t got a shot and I have found out that men find that attitude to be very intimidating. It can not only make a man feel inadequate around a woman but it could even make him live under his potential believing that that is what we expect of them anyway. Now I am in no way saying that we shouldn’t have high standards for ourselves that there aren’t things that we have a right to expect from men but I think that women need to reevaluate their lists and think long and hard about whether they are going to be able to find a man that can live up to each and every one of those must have qualities. We have a right to expect men to respect us and that we’re treated with decency and that each partner equally pull their weight in a relationship. But when it comes to things like no drinking, no smoking, no kids, or the salary that they make…these are items on the list that may be a little too much to ask for.

We all want the “perfect” man but let’s get real, who in this world is perfect? We women ourselves are far from perfect so why on earth would we ever expect the men in our lives to be. I’m not saying that we should just expect the worst and then if we happen to get better then what we expected then we’ve done good for ourselves. Well, maybe that is what I’m saying. Let’s face it, most men we’ve come in contact with have cheated, lied, or have stolen, if not from us from someone we know. Why are we surprised when they repeat the same behavior to someone else? Why do we keep expecting men to be these infallible, unflawed, human beings when we obviously and painfully know better? Yet still the next time we hold out immeasurable hope of a different outcome. Now that’s not to say that there aren’t some men out here that can do right by a woman and that do know how to treat a good woman when he has one but I’m quite sure that they had a woman who accepted them whether they were flawed or not. Now for my friend who still puts the paper under her pillow with her list of high standards that a man must meet, I am not saying don’t have any standards for the men that come into your life. I just hope that you realize that you may be searching for that perfect man with those perfect qualities for a very long time.

Jimmetta Carpenter
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date To Be Announced)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Monday, March 22, 2010

Starving For Love

Love is said to come in all shapes and sizes and in many different forms. So if that’s what people really believe than why is it that every man wants a woman that fits in clothes anywhere between a size 0 to a 10. What makes a woman who wears a size 4 any more attractive than the woman who wears a size 24? And why is it that when a full figured woman does get a decent man either it’s because he wants to take advantage of whatever insecurities she may have or it’s due to insecurities of his own? Why doesn’t the male species see full figured women as being good enough to fit their standards of beauty?

Okay sure there is that category of men who love a full figured woman and it is an honest attraction without any hidden agenda’s but there are far too few men in that category. Society places too much emphasis on the “pretty woman” having the “perfect” shape but is that really fair to make women feel like they’re any less of a woman because they can’t easily step into a size 2. It most likely is the number one reason why we have so many women walking around the world with eating disorders that no one would even think they have because they have the “perfect” image for a woman but maybe the pressure is making them do unnecessary things to maintain a weight that they feel is acceptable by the rest of the world.

It’s almost as if you are not only looked down upon if you’re over a certain size but people begin to look past you and act as if you are not even a human being anymore because you wear a size 16 or above. I constantly overhear people talking about overweight women, laughing and commenting on how they feel that “fat” people should be able to control their eating. I just think to myself if only these narrow minded people understood that it isn’t always that simple. True there are some people that are overweight because they eat entirely too much but the majority of people who are overweight are that way because of many reasons that don’t even involve them overeating. I happen to be a larger sized woman and I barely eat three meals a day let alone stuff myself so much that I am overweight but I have learned to accept who I am and that I will probably always be a little on the heavy side. But it doesn’t make me any less of a beautiful person because I don’t wear a size 4.

In terms of finding a decent man I have always gotten the comments from people like “she’s pretty but if she would loose a little weight I would date her”. It made me sad at first and down right angry but in time I learned to cope with the narrow minds of some men and accept that it’s their own insecurities that make them think that way. But it still makes me wonder what made men think that there was only supposed to be one kind of woman on this earth, that being the women that fall below a size 10, and what makes them think that the women who are of “standard” size are what they’re really looking for.

Society has placed such a high standard of beauty on every woman that it is starting to come at a very high price. It’s as if to be loved women have to be “perfect” in the eyes of the world as well as the man that they’re trying to impress. It shouldn’t be that hard to accept people for who they are no matter what they look like on the outside. Some of the most beautiful women aren’t the ones who have an obvious beauty, but instead they have that ordinary kind-of beauty that doesn’t hit you right away. If you keep looking for something that’s not there, you’re going to miss everything it is that they’re offering. When choosing to be with someone size shouldn’t be a factor and there isn’t any person, man or woman, who should ever have to find themselves in the position where they are “starving for love.”

Jimmetta Carpenter
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date To Be Announced)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.freefalllit.com
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Friday, March 19, 2010

Why Does The Chase Have To End?

I was talking with a friend the other day about ways of men and the things they do that drive women crazy and annoy us to no end. One of the things that was discussed was that we didn’t understand why when men do all this chasing to get a woman’s attention and to win her over and then spoil her with the kind of treatment that is foreign to her and then all of a sudden once they’ve gotten what they wanted (and I’m not talking about sex) they just stop. The attention gets less and less. The pampering and spoiling dwindle down almost to none. Sometimes in the case of some people their sex life even begins to suffer. It’s as if now that they know that they have that particular woman and that she loves them and that in their mind she isn’t going anywhere, they don’t have to continue doing the things that got her to that point. So I guess it leads me to wonder, can a woman ever really allow herself to be caught?

Now I know that there are some men (few and far between) that do continue the things that they started, probably because they realize that what he did to get her the next man can do as well but for a vast majority of men this seems to apply. I have even gotten the advice from some women that they feel that women can never truly let a man know that they’ve got them because then the chase will be over and the man will lose interest. I’ve heard from some men that they do like the chase and that it is true that the chase is the most exciting part of the relationship but doesn’t that pose another problem. If a woman is always running and the man is always chasing doesn’t that mean inevitably we are still playing games and isn’t that the thing that we don’t want in a relationship?

It just seems that chasing shouldn’t be the only thing of interest to the man. They should enjoy that they actually caught the woman that they chased so hard after and the woman should be able to enjoy being caught by the man that flattered her with all the chasing. Just because the chasing ends shouldn’t mean that the things that a man did while chasing her should end. It doesn’t mean that a man’s mentality should all of a sudden be “well I got her so now I can ignore her”. In my opinion that doesn’t show that the man appreciates what it is that he really got. I kind of feel like if I feel the guy I’m dating is slipping in the areas that drew me to him in the first place then I should say something about it and although the man might consider it nagging it still must be said, “This is the way you got me, so this is the way you have to keep me.”

While I know that to some women this is not a big deal. They expect a change within the relationship when it isn’t so new anymore and feel that it is nothing to nag about. While I know that a change does come when a relationship turns from new to not so new and then to just routine, I still do not expect a total decline. I think that men do take us for granted a little bit but I also think that we tend to let them. Why don’t we deserve to be spoiled and pampered for the entire relationship if that’s the way things started off? Why can’t we expect the same amount of attention for the entire time when it started off with huge amounts of attention? I know that for me I am so used to getting the bad treatment that when I got the good treatment it spoiled me and I would like to stay spoiled. I feel like with all I’ve been through that I deserve to be. I feel that all women are worth the eternal chase. To me the chase should never be over.


Jimmetta Carpenter
“The Diary: Succession of Lies” (Release Date To Be Announced)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
www.freefalllit.com
http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Exposing Myself ?

My biggest problem with relationships is the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s my biggest problem in life really because if everyone can see what it is you’re feeling it’s very easy for someone to take advantage of that. For me it’s always been very hard to disguise how I’m feeling or to even mask it a little. I’m an extremely emotional person who believes in showing how I feel but I’m starting to wonder if maybe I have exposed too much of my heart to others and if maybe that isn’t the reason why I’ve never been able to get love right.

I take the head first approach when it comes to love and I am the kind of person that will wear their heart on their sleeve but I think that it has been working against me rather then for me. I thought the open and honest approach was something that people would appreciate but apparently people like for you to hide your feelings and to hold back. It seems that in love and relationships when you keep your heart covered up and your feelings to yourself and act as if you’re not interested you get more results that way. But the minute you let your feelings out of the bag and give a little bit of yourself then all of a sudden the interest is gone. Kind of the “they want what they can’t have but when they can have it they don’t want it” approach.
I feel like I can’t win either way when it comes to love. Like if I let myself go and show my feelings and bear my heart to someone then I’m taken for granted but when I hold back and keep my feelings to myself then I’m accused of not opening up and I risk loosing what it is that I want. I just can’t seem to get it right no matter how hard I try. I guess the question in all of this is can you get what you want out of a relationship by wearing your heart on your sleeve or holding back. Is there a middle ground in there somewhere? Can you hold back and still give a piece of yourself?

I haven’t figured out what the answer to that question is. I do know that neither one seem to be working for me. I guess maybe you have to be able to read the person that you’re getting involved with. Are they the type that is receptive to you bearing all of yourself and showing your heart or are you involved with the type of person that would just rather not know what it is that you’re feeling? I guess in certain situations some things are better left unsaid or not shown. I’m still going to continue to look for that middle ground because there has to be a way to achieve a little bit of both sides. If there was only a guidebook that came with men and that told us what to do with which men everything would be much simpler. Unfortunately for my and my poor worn out heart there isn’t and I am left to figure it all out on my own. Just hope that my heart is worn out by the time I finally figure this love stuff out.


by Jimmetta Carpenter

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Perfect Timing

Is there really such a thing as soul mates and true love or are we all searching for something that isn’t there? My view on soul mates and true love have changed so much over the last couple of years thanks to the heartbreaks that have, at that time, felt like the end of the world. At one point in time I would have to say that I honestly hoped that true love existed but had no real proof that it did. I listened to others speak of their “soul mates” and “loves of their lives” and either wondered where was my soul mate at or I thought “what a loud of bull shit.” But I guess even the cynical side of me couldn’t deny the reality that true love and soul mates do exist. My only question that gets left unanswered is do we really only get one?

What about those people who meet their soul mates and for whatever reason the timing isn’t right. So if they somehow can’t be together then do they just move on to the next? Do they just miss out on their one true love and just settle for the next. It sounds ridiculous that if we want to be with our true love and the timing is a little off that we sit around and wait for the timing to be right instead of just moving on to find someone else and just be content in the fact that we have found love again even if it’s not our soul mates. But there are some who act as if soul mates are disposable and if you miss out on one you can just create another. I for a fact know that it doesn’t work that way.

I found my soul mate. He was, is, and always will be the love of my life and while I know in my heart that he loves me the timing for us just wasn’t right. Sometimes I think that I’m supposed to move on and find happiness elsewhere. I feel like I deserve to have my soul mate and that I shouldn’t have to settle for just being content. While I know that waiting is a very romantic yet na├»ve notion I just can’t see myself being alone and even worse being lonely indefinitely. But does that mean that he wasn’t really my soul mate? I have a friend that keeps telling me that if we were really soul mates then we would’ve found a way to be with each other and we would’ve made the timing right. The problem with that thought process is that we don’t live in a perfect world where we can make everything the way we want it all the time and where our right time doesn’t necessarily have to be someone else’s wrong time. We can’t just force everything to fit the way we want it to.

Timing really is everything and the sad thing is if we find our soul mate at a time that is all wrong for them then what are we to do? There is definitely a such thing as soul mates and true love but I think what people have forgotten to tell us about these two very precious and rare finds is that you have to find yours at precisely the same time that your soul mate is looking for his or else the timing just may not match up. True, if they are already with someone else when you two find each other they could just get out of that relationship and begin one with you and it would be great if it worked out that way but the reality is that things don’t always work out that way. We can’t always be with the one that we love and the one that we feel we were put on this earth to be with. So do we just wait around for that soul mate or do we move on to find another? Can we have more then one soul mate or are we just going to have to pray that fate coincides with timing? Do soul mates really exist or are we just searching for what we think a soul mate should be. Could we be so enthralled in the one we think is meant for us that we miss the soul that we were truly meant to mate with?

by Jimmetta Carpenter
© March 2010 (reprint)


Jimmetta Carpenter
Writer/Editor
“The Diary: Succession of Lies” (Release Date To Be Announced)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
http://www.blogger.com/Free%20Fall%20Newsletter/www.myspace.com/jcladyluv
http://www.blogger.com/Free%20Fall%20Newsletter/www.lulu.com/ladybugpress
www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter
http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/
http://writetobe.wordpress.com/
http://www.freefalllit.com/