Thursday, March 18, 2010

Exposing Myself ?

My biggest problem with relationships is the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s my biggest problem in life really because if everyone can see what it is you’re feeling it’s very easy for someone to take advantage of that. For me it’s always been very hard to disguise how I’m feeling or to even mask it a little. I’m an extremely emotional person who believes in showing how I feel but I’m starting to wonder if maybe I have exposed too much of my heart to others and if maybe that isn’t the reason why I’ve never been able to get love right.

I take the head first approach when it comes to love and I am the kind of person that will wear their heart on their sleeve but I think that it has been working against me rather then for me. I thought the open and honest approach was something that people would appreciate but apparently people like for you to hide your feelings and to hold back. It seems that in love and relationships when you keep your heart covered up and your feelings to yourself and act as if you’re not interested you get more results that way. But the minute you let your feelings out of the bag and give a little bit of yourself then all of a sudden the interest is gone. Kind of the “they want what they can’t have but when they can have it they don’t want it” approach.
I feel like I can’t win either way when it comes to love. Like if I let myself go and show my feelings and bear my heart to someone then I’m taken for granted but when I hold back and keep my feelings to myself then I’m accused of not opening up and I risk loosing what it is that I want. I just can’t seem to get it right no matter how hard I try. I guess the question in all of this is can you get what you want out of a relationship by wearing your heart on your sleeve or holding back. Is there a middle ground in there somewhere? Can you hold back and still give a piece of yourself?

I haven’t figured out what the answer to that question is. I do know that neither one seem to be working for me. I guess maybe you have to be able to read the person that you’re getting involved with. Are they the type that is receptive to you bearing all of yourself and showing your heart or are you involved with the type of person that would just rather not know what it is that you’re feeling? I guess in certain situations some things are better left unsaid or not shown. I’m still going to continue to look for that middle ground because there has to be a way to achieve a little bit of both sides. If there was only a guidebook that came with men and that told us what to do with which men everything would be much simpler. Unfortunately for my and my poor worn out heart there isn’t and I am left to figure it all out on my own. Just hope that my heart is worn out by the time I finally figure this love stuff out.

by Jimmetta Carpenter

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