Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Glue That Binds

There is obviously more to life then love and the same goes for relationships as well. For years I lived under the misconceived notion that being in love was all a person needed and that once you had that you had it made. After quite a few bad relationships in which all that was going for them was the love, I slowly and painfully began to realize the truth. Love may just be the last thing that holds a relationship together. That’s not saying that love is the insignificant part of the relationship. It’s just that when there are so many underlying factors that are a major component in the glue holding relationships together, saying “But I Love You” may seem like a last stitch effort to mask all of the other problems that can’t be fixed.

One of the number one reasons that a relationship either doesn’t make it to the marriage phase or why the marriage itself doesn’t work is financial. Here is where saying I love you just doesn’t solve everything. The person that you select to be your mate has to be evenly yoked with you, if not on any other level, but financially. You need to be on the same page about what you want your finances to be or things are just not going to work out. I’ve seen too many people not go to the next step with a person because not only were their finances messed up (which they could’ve dealt with) but they seemed to have no immediate interest in fixing them. Planning a future means talking about finances and where the two of you stand on them and this card trumps love any day of the week because love can not keep a roof over your head or send your children to good school.

One of the other major things that dissolve a relationship or a marriage is SEX. Yes you may think that sex and love go hand in hand and often times they do. But with that love must come some chemistry and passion and compatibility. If your mate likes to try lots of new and experimental things and you are a straight laced, missionary position only type of person then unless you are willing to be more open minded and uninhibited then the two of you will not last a very long time and vice versa. The same also goes for if you are a person that likes to have sex several times a week whereas your mate is content and happy with just once a week and doesn’t really like it any more then that then that is going to be a problem as well. You know what you like and what you don’t so why waste time with someone who isn’t going to or willing to join you in those same likes or dislikes. But for the people who swear they can make it work they end up learning the hard way that you can not force compatibility.

There are a number of general requirements that help hold a relationship or marriage together such as communication, respect, compromise and sacrifice, creativity, compassion, generosity, trust, patience, energy, time, maturity, forgiveness, and the list goes on. But the thing is that if you don’t have ALL or at least MOST of those things then love doesn’t really do you any good. What good is loving someone you can’t communicate with, or feel compassion for, or even have respect for? The divorce rate isn’t nearly 50% because the two people don’t love each other. The divorce rate is that high because that love couldn’t hold them together when everything else is lacking. Love does not conquer all and I think that the sooner we all realize that then the closer we can get to actually having the type of relationship that we really want. A relationship where everything works and where the glue holding it together isn’t missing a single ingredient.

Jimmetta Carpenter
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Release Date TBA)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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