Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Can Women Really Have Sex like Men?

There are several answers to that question and it really and truly does depend on the person that is being asked. There are some women that are able to detach themselves from the emotional part of sex just like men do. They can have a casual fling with someone and think nothing of it the very next day and never call the man they just slept with again. In fact I know one or two that would prefer it that way. I mean let’s be honest; it would feel somewhat good to make men feel even a fraction of the way they make us feel when they do the exact same thing to us. But whether it is the right reaction to have is another story entirely. The truth of the matter is that I actually thought that I could be one of those women. I have been in a place where I wanted to feel nothing for someone and that I didn’t want to have a connection with them. I guess I figured that it would make things a lot easier for me and less possible for me to ever get hurt again. But in exploring the possibility of me becoming a kind of person that I never envisioned myself being I discovered that casual is definitely not for everybody.

Sometimes when we get hurt we get this urge to either hurt back or just totally cut off our emotions and pretend that we can separate our actions from what we feel. It works for some people but it can’t work forever and it doesn’t work for everybody. I discovered recently that I am one of those people that it can not work for. I wanted to believe that I could be one of those women who could just be with someone that I had absolutely no feelings for just to get the physical sensation that I so badly needed. It would’ve been so much easier if I could’ve been. But in just thinking about the act of me having casual sex devoid of emotions made me sick to the point of wanting to throw up and it made me cry. I have nothing against those women who can do that but I am definitely not one of those women.

For me sex is about 10% physical and 90% emotional. I can not see giving any part of me or my body to a person who I have not given a little piece of my heart to. To me the emotional is what makes the actual physical part of sex feel good. I haven’t been able to understand how there are some women who can have emotionless sex despite the many attempts that some have tried to explain to me. I don’t knock them for it because that’s their decision and their life but in a way I feel like there’s a certain amount of sorrow I should have for them that they have to detach themselves that far from their emotions. It says a lot about a person who can take an act of love and passion that is supposed to be filled with an immeasurable amount of emotion and make it an act of what amounts to about as much as a lengthy workout.

When there is no emotion in the act of sex it is no longer beautiful and passionate. For me that would make it pointless. What’s the point if all you get out of it is the equivalent of an hour or two at the gym and that’s all it is for you. There should be emotion in sex and if you have cut yourself off from that then maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself and figure out if that’s something you really want for yourself. Sex should mean something and we are used to men being able to make that act meaningless and lacking in emotion but when women start doing the same thing it just diminishes not only the sensuality of sex but the sanctity of love as well. So can women have sex like men? I think that maybe the real question is should we have sex like men? The answer is all up to you. What kind of woman are you?

Jimmetta Carpenter

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