Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Dating Game

It seems that dating and relationships come with a set of rules that aren’t necessarily clear and concise. There are separate rules for the men and separate rules for the women and then there are the rules that apply to either side. You have the rules to get a guy or girls attention and then of coarse the rules that you must follow in order to keep the guy or girl that you are trying so hard to impress with a totally different set of rules. It’s all quite confusing to me because if the only way that you can have a relationship or date anybody to figure out if you even want a relationship is to play games with him or her then what is the point. You play games to get them and to keep them but what happens to all of your games when you lose them from playing too many games.

I found a list of rules for women to attract that special someone and among them I found ones as ridiculous as don’t talk to him first and don’t make eye contact. Don’t accept a date with him for Saturday if it is after Wednesday. Don’t call him first and by all means if he does call you then never answer the first phone call because then you appear desperate. For the men there were equally ridiculous ones such as don’t call her for three days after you get her number and if you do call her and she doesn’t answer the first time then wait an additional two days before trying again. If she calls you then screen her and don’t answer and only return her calls after two days from the date of her call. It’s just plain silly.

This is the year 2007 and if a woman wants to talk to a man first then she should be able to without making it appear as if she is desperate and why shouldn’t a woman be able to call a man if she chooses to. Why would a man wait three days to call a woman who he was interested in enough to get her phone number. And with the whole thing of waiting several days to return a phone call on both sides it’s a wonder that men and women ever get to the point of actually holding a conversation let alone going out on a date. With all of the games that are played and no one to really keep a fair score how does anyone ever know who really wins.

It’s so funny because the very thing that we do to get a person and maintain that person is the very thing that you don’t want a whole lot of when you are in that relationship. It’s kind of a double standard don’t you think. I mean we don’t want to be lied to or toyed with but yet we do lie and we do toy with people’s emotions. Initially before a relationship blossoms we play this little game of who’s going to call who first and I don’t want to seem too eager so I’m not going to be the one to make the first move. We go back and forth with ourselves concerning whether or not we should let the person know we had a good time the other night and we’re supposed to make sure that they don’t think that we are interested in them even if we really are and it’s just plain stupid.

When do the games come to an end? Will it be when there is no one for anyone because everyone on one side of the fence thinks that the people on the other side of the fence aren’t interested? No one is ever going to find their happily ever after with anyone if they have the mindset that you have to play games in order to get or keep someone’s attention. We will all be stuck wondering why he or she didn’t call me back and then kicking ourselves for not taking the bull by the horns. I thought that we had left the games behind in elementary school and even high school but apparently they have seemed to carry over to adulthood. When are we just going to grow up and realize that the games we play will eventually have to come to an end or else we’re just going be left hurt and alone? Then who will we have to play games with?

Jimmetta Carpenter
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Coming September 2010)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

1 comment:

  1. One of the reasons I began to date African men was the fact that there was no guesswork. If a guy liked you, he was upfront about it. I didn't have to wonder when he said this did he mean that. I'm sure it's not true of ALL African men, just the ones I've encountered. Of course, I tended to date the smart, studious guys who literally had "no game" & maybe didn't always know how to get the girls. So they had no choice but to be straight up.